Control pt. 1

 How do you sum up this year? I've had a lot of years filled with trial or years that were eventful, and as busy or hard as those years were I was able to sum them up. I could give at least a brief description of what I had experienced. 2020 is not like that. I actually believe people will write books on this year and it's massive impact world wide. It's not really possible to sum up so I'm not going to try. I do however want to document it somehow. I tried a little bit to do this earlier in the year, but I had too much of that "sum it up" mentality and it didn't really work. So I am goign to write about each thing that happened and dedicate their own post to said topic. 

I recently deleted any social media accounts that I had (a topic that will get its own post) and that was the primary way that anyone linked to this blog. So, I may be writing this all for myself, and that's ok. I want how this year impacted my family documented for me and my family. 

One of the most pervasive aspects of 2020 was the stark reminder that I am not in control. I found out that I have the same Breast Cancer Gene that killed my mom, it's genetic, nothing I could control about that. And, it was something that couldn't even be identified until the last 5 years, so I thought that keeping the possible cancer at bay was primarily due to a healthy lifestyle which was something in my control. Well turns out I wasn't in control all along and I had this gene in my body all along. 

Then I got really sick. I was laid out for 3 weeks, barely able to function. I actually think I got the Coronavirus before we knew what it was. Good thing my mother in law was visiting because if she hadn't been there to help us, I just don't know how we would have gotten through it. 

Then the pandemic hit. Which of course by this time in the year we all feel a mirad of ways about it and it doesn't quite hold that same sway over us. But do you remember what it was like when it first came around? The whole world in quarantine. Stock piling groceries and finding out that toilet paper and sour dough starter were the 2 things that made people feel safe in a time of uncertainty. School was canceled adn we were all thrown into Homeschooling and we went on walks. Lots and lots and lots of walks. 

Church was livestreamed, school was done through Zoom (Does anyone know how much money the people who created Zoom are worth now? How are they not the richest people in the world?) We were constantly watching the White House Press Breifings to see if we knew anything new and it seemed that for a brief minute we had all come together...in spirit.. because we were apart and behind masks. 

I remember doing some projects witht he boys. Finding people who were at the highest risk and finding ways to serve them, like bringing them toilet paper and fresh baked bread. 

People were losing jobs left and right. Kyle picked up some night shift work to get us through. He came home one day and said "I have an interview tomorrow" He would go out at night, we would pray that he wouldn't get sick and I would spend a lot of time in prayer because I had a hard time sleeping when he was gone. 

We had lost our freedom, and security over night. We had lost control of our individualism. Which, was a pretty hard pill to swallow for this girl. I was being told I couldn't do things that up until this time in my life had been a right. I couldn't go to church. I actually dropped off some food on Easter morning for the staff and pastors who were making the livestream happen and it was one of the hardest parts of this year if I'm honest. I couldn't stay and celebreate the Resurrection of our Lord with the body of Christ. I sat in my car in the parking lot and bawled my eyes out. I couldh't drive home because I couldn't see through the tears. 

Then the riots broke out. 

Really, thats when everything changed. Remember the happy online news network Some Good News? I loved it. It was a happy thing during the beginning of the virus. Once George Floyd was killed Some Good News ended. Everything ended. There was a complete shift. The riots were crazy. We didn't go out at night, I got ushered out of a store with my boys one late afternoon because they knew the riots were headed our way and we all needed to get out and get home as fast as possible. That was the strangest thing. We were all rushing out of  Target, I had a couple of people urging me to "Get those precious boys home quick!" and then I saw this family by their van. The mother was holding her baby and looked panicked and the dad was scanning the crowd. I instantly walked up to them and asked if they needed help. I thought maybe one of their kids was missing. It turns out their car battery had died and they didn't know who to ask for help, they didn't think they could trust anyone. I jumped their car and we all sped home. 

But the riots didn't stop. The Black Lives Matter organization had just found out it's true power and strength and we would all feel it for the rest of the year. The Autonomous zone Chaz would start in Seattle, many cities would see over 100 straight days of protest and rioting and the cry to "Defund the Police" would be heard from every corner of the country. America was scared, and then it was angry, and then it was defiant. 

Any semblance of control that we still thought we had was gone.