Tuesday, May 16, 2017


We went to Yosemite for the first time! WOW! It was amazing. I'm going to come back and post pictures and write stories, but mostly I just wanted to get a post out there that said I went. I don't want to foget to come back and write about it.

If you haven't gone, then go! Go now.

Self Denial

I've been reading a book on prayer and it has shown me that I have not really denied myself much of anything at all.

Realy, to type it out is a bit embarrassing. I can't think of anything I've really denied myself for a long period of time.

The Lord has shown me this. What have I denied so that I could spend more time with HIM? What have I denied myself so that I could be healthier, and thus more able to serve my family? What have I denied myself so I could be available to serve the church? What have I denied myself to help Kyle and I reach goals in our life?

I have denied myself very little.

I have had to really confess this to the Lord and beg Him for the strength to live in the Spirit and not the Flesh and to run hard after Him and deny myself anything that would hinder my walk, or not be the "best" decision.

I think I originally viewed self-denial as a "trapped" feeling. I thought of all that I wouldn't have or shouldn't have... I have learned it is the exact opposite.

It's freeing.

I have more time in prayer, which draws me closer to the Lord and helps me live in the Spirit and deny sin. I have more energy for my family, and to keep up with my toddler. I feel that I can say "yes" more because I am more organized with my time and priorities.

The wisdom of man is not the wisdom from above. How often do I think, even subconsciously, that God's ways don't make sense? Too often!

Here is to self-denial and running hard in the way He has called.

looking back

Sometimes I don't realize just how much Jonathan has grown until I look at a video or picture of him from a year ago.

His imagination is amazing!  He is almost always pretending to be an animal. He has stories about who he is and where he came from and the zoo is one of his favorite places.

He still loves to snuggle. Yay! I truly Praise the Lord for that. I love his hugs and every once in awhile he will come up to me and say "Mom, I have a secret... I love you." Melt. My. Heart.

He's a bit fiestier than he used to be, and tests the boundaries, I love to see him push himself, just so long as he doesn't push me.

I have to be so consistent with him. I have learned that the hard way.

He loves to laugh and he wants everyone to be happy.

Recently I said I was disappointed in a choice he made. He cried in my lap for 20 minutes because he was "SO SAD" that he made me disappointed. I love that tenderness. I also have to be careful of my words, they deeply affect him.

I love him. I love being his mom. I love watching him grow.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Watching him grow

I was just watching a video of Jonathan from a year ago (when he was a new 2 year old) Melt my heart he was the cutest thing in the world. And somehow he's still the cutest thing in the world. It's crazy how when you are in the day to day you stop seeing them grow, but when you look back you see huge changes.

I wish there was a way to see the growth in the day to day, every stage is so much fun and being Jonathan's mom is one of my greatest joys.

I have also realized things I was diligent to focus on with him a year ago I haven't been quite so diligent in these past months since we've moved. Lame. So I am redoubling my efforts and going to get back on track. He loves to draw and read and learn. It's hard to keep up with him sometimes, and to always keep his little mind stimulated, but I LOVE to watch him learn. He is so imaginative.

I wonder How God thinks about watching us grow. I have thought a lot about him being our Heavenly Father lately and His great tender loving care for us. I find myself going to Him, casting my cares on Him and knowing He is tenderly caring for me, as a Father. I'm in awe that He wants to give me good gifts. The God of the Universe wants to give me good gifts. Wow.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

7 months

This past Monday marked 7 months since we moved to Kingsburg. I was reflecting a bit (maybe something you would normally do at 6 months or a year, but for me it was 7 months) and there are some things I never want to forget.

Cooking with Gail on Tuesday and Thursday mornings got me through those first couple of months. Gail has the Lord on her lips. She was constantly encouraging me with what He was teaching her and she is an incredibly THANKFUL person. You couldn't help but be with her and walk away thankful. She also loved on Jonathan and encouraging me in parenting. She was my first friend in Kingsburg. I love her.

The house we are renting was a complete answer to prayer, and a very stark reminder to cast your cares on the Lord and not be anxious. We had been looking for a place for what seemed like forever. We had been in transition for a month, Kyle working up in the central valley and us still back in Santa Clarita. We missed being together as a family, and we just didn't seem to be able to find a good place. Kyle looked at me as we drove back from Kingsburg to Santa Clarita and said "Babe, you really need to give this over to the Lord. Confess it to Him. He is faithful, He has always been faithful. We are going to find a place to live. Be patient". I did give it over to the Lord, and exactly 5 minutes later we got a call that there was a house available to rent from a family in our church. Wow.

The Jacksons let us stay in their guest house for a month... yes, a month. That'a long time to let people be in your way! What generosity and hospitality.

The people who did know about our miscarriage loved us so well, and still pray for us. We were strangers, but they still served and cared.

And just this past week we were invited to spend Easter with a family from church that we are getting to know and really like. That might sound kinda small. It's not! When you are the new family and don't know anyone and someone opens their doors for a holiday. You just feel so very loved.

The fog was hard, but the spring is worth it.

I enjoy having some change in the seasons again.

Gail shared with me something the Lord is teaching her anew. "Rejoice Always". I want to remember that.

The Fernandez's. Friendship is just one of the sweetest dearest blessings the Lord can give. And he gave us that in them.

Friday, April 7, 2017

Drizzly Friday

Another Friday, another dump post.

It's a rainy day. It's been on and off all day, right now it's just barely drizzling and so Kyle is doing a little bit of yard prep work. (we are planning grass seed tomorrow) Jonathan is playing with Ginny and having a mostly good time.

My thoughts on having a puppy so far: I am glad we decided to get one. It isn't as hard as I told myself it would be, at least in terms of taking care of her. The puppy teething stage is no fun. Her favorite toy to nibble on is Jonathan. I go from hearing the sweetest giggles to "MAMA! HELP!" and Ginny has started biting his pant legs. I am praying that the teething passes quickly, very quickly, because I do think having a little playmate is wonderful for Jonathan!

We have a couple fun trips coming up. 2 short weekend ones and one longer one visiting family. I'm getting excited as they get a bit closer.

I've been reading so much more lately than I have in the past 6 months to a year and it's been simply wonderful.

I found out that the elder's were praying for us this past week. That we would be able to have another baby and that we'd continue to heal from the miscarriage. It meant so much to me.

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

and the ugly

I said I wanted to do this blog to remember it all, the good the bad and the ugly. Monday we had some real ugly. 

Only one of our cars is really road worthy at the moment and so Jonathan and I have been mostly homebound. (Which isn't really a problem.. see previous post) But I thought it would be fun to take him to the zoo for the afternoon since Fresno has a great zoo (more about that in another post, it really is a great zoo. Anyway...) 

I planned out this trip very poorly from the get go. ( Elizabeth Bennet would say "very ill indeed". Sorry for all the parentheses and side comments, but it's where my head is at today) I decided that since J is now 3 he probably wouldn't need the stroller and could just walk all day. Feel free to laugh at me at this point. I also forgot his comfort items tiger and blankie. I also thought he'd be fine to skip a nap, since all children are fresh and don't need naps after the ever so difficult church days (read with extreme sarcasm) 

Well we were dropped off at the zoo and it began beautifully. the first hour and a half were perfection. People were telling me I must be an amazing mom because my toddler was So polite and So well behaved. Jonathan was thrilled with everything he saw and was precious to watch. Then one minute past and hour and a half struck. I suddenly had a stomach ache and NEEDED the bathroom stat. I told Jonathan that he needed to come with mommy very very quickly and he looked at me and said "NO!" 

He then proceeded to lay on the ground and scream, "I don't want to leave the fish tank! I don't want to go to the bathroom with you!" My desperation only grew. He was not getting up and my need for the bathroom was getting more dire. 

There was nothing for it, it was either run for the bathroom and leave my 3 year old alone at the zoo, or drag him across the floor all the way into the bathroom stall with me. 

I dragged him. 

I was stared at by children who thought either "That boy is in So much trouble" as was audibly heard by a couple of young children, or they thought "I am never having kids." Which felt like it was audibly heard by some teenagers.

Then there were the mothers. 

The sweet sypathetic mothers.

One looked at me and said "You got this."

One looked at me as we were trying to get through the doorway of the bathroom. "It's ok sweetie, I have boys, I understand. You're not alone." 

Oh sweet motherhood. It makes you the best of friends with complete strangers because we can understand each others pain. 

We then sat in the shade and watched the lions for the rest of the 2 and a half hours waiting to be picked up.

I hope I come back and read this the next time I am either having a bad day, or if heaven forbid I ever find myself judging another mom.